why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
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So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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