The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
