About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
