She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
