It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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