He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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