Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
