i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
