It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
