Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
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Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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