I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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