stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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