You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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