well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?