Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
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Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
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I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.