The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
