I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.