We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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