Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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