i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
