i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together