WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
