Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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