there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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