i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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