Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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