i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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