a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
