think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
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I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize