Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The cops high fived after they tackled you