i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?