my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno