Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.