So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
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All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.