Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
