I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
