I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
