Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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