Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
