Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
