I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
