moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
