How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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