chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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