I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize