mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
