toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
