So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
