I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
