It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
