He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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