Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
