Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
