My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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