Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
