New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
