Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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