Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
