I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
