He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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