I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
