In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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