and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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