I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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