Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
