We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
