just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
