I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
