whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had my finger in that
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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