I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
