dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
