Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
