She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
