No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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