Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
