Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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